We're Not Passing Through Here Again - Non Torniamo da Questa Parte

Photo: Fabrizio Lingesso

Look around. Take in the sounds and the smells. Breathe in the air. Take a snapshot, make a memory. We're not coming back through here. Where are you right now? Are you in your office, your home, commuting on the bus with an iphone in your hand? Wherever you may be, wherever you are, you will never be there again. Take in the magnatude of that thought. Your physical location in time and space will change; it will never be the same as it is right now in this moment. For however many times you do the same comute or walk into the same office, they are neve the same. You are never the same. Nothing is permanent. The sights and sounds around you will change in continuation. That collegue who gets under your skin will get a new job. Your children wil grow old and leave home. Your favorite mug will chip, crack and eventually shatter.  Or you will change and find a new favorite. The places you call home will evolve and change, flipping past your eyes like cards in a rolodex (rolodex's will become useless, then kitch, then obsolete, then retro, then antique - though in what order or what stage of this evolution we're at right now I'm not sure). Every moment of our lives are in transition. Seing that is what helps to free your mind from what happened yesterday and the worries of tomorrow. If you only exist in this moment (and you do), stopping to really see it leaves you without space left for regret or worry. Only love. Where are you right now?

Guardatevi intorno. Ammirate i suoni e gli odori. Respirate l'aria. Fate una foto, fare un ricordo. Non stiamo tornando da qui. Dove sei in questo momento? Siete nel vostro ufficio, la vostra casa, sul autobus con un iPhone in mano? Ovunque tu sia, non sarai mai più lì.Fate una pausa sul quel pensiero . La tua posizione fisica nel tempo e nello spazio cambierà; questo momento non sarà mai lo stesso perché è proprio ora. Per quante volte fai la stessa strada. Non si è mai lo stesso. Nulla è permanente. Le immagini ei suoni intorno a voi cambierà in continuazione.  Quel collega che ti da fastidio otterrà un nuovo lavoro. I vostri bambini cresceranno andranno a vivere dal altra parte del mondo. La vostra tazza preferita si scheggia, finisce in frantumi. Oppure potrete cambiare voi e trovare un nuovo preferito . Ogni momento delle nostre vite sono in fase di transizione. Vedendo che è ciò che aiuta a liberare la mente da quello che è successo ieri e le preoccupazioni di domani. Se siete in questo momento soltanto (e lo sei), fermandoti un attimo per vederlo davvero ti lascerà senza spazio per rammarico o preoccupazione .  Solo l'amore. Dove sei in questo momento?

♥ Jess

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Learning to Live in Joy - Vivendo con Gioia

One of the most wonderful things I've learnt since becoming a mommy is the art of being joyful.  Children have this amazing ability to simply be happy and to be happy with simplicity.

Sera is teaching me every day that it's alright to just be exactly where I am... I dont' have to constantly be thinking about what I need to be doing next. I can just sit and smile and make up silly dances or practice laughing in different styles (one of our new favorite games).  I can also choose all of the most colourful and ridiculous clothes in my wardrobe, put them all on at once and perform a native american rain dance. It's ok. It's ok to be happy. It's ok to experience joy. It's ok to be in the moment. It's what we were made for. Thank you for teaching me that, my crazy, funny, beautiful girl!

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Una delle cose più belle che ho imparato da quando è diventato una mamma è l'arte di essere gioiosa. I bambini hanno questa sorprendente capacità di essere semplicemente felice e di essere felice con semplicità. 

Sera mi sta insegnando ogni giorno che va bene essendo esattamente dove sono io in ogni momento ... non devo essere costantemente pensando al prossim cosa che  devo fare. Posso sedermi e sorridere e inventare danze stupide o ridere in diversi stili (uno dei nostri nuovi giochi preferiti). Posso anche scegliere tutti i vestiti più colorati e ridicoli nel mio guardaroba, metterli tutti adosso ed eseguire un nativo americano danza della pioggia. E 'ok. E 'ok essere felici. E 'ok sperimentare la gioia. E 'ok essere nel momento. Siamo stati creati per questo. Grazie per avermi insegnato, mia pazza, divertente, bella ragazza!

♥ Jess

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Spring Equinox

Hello springtime! Hello buds and blossoms. Welcome, welcome welcome!  It's a miracle you come each year. 

I'm feeling very lucky today on this first day of Spring 2014. Look at this gorgeous flower that opened on my windowsill as a special springtime gift! My new season's wish is to remember that each and every flower is perfect and exists to be seen and recognised in its perfection.

And by flower I mean everything.

Ciao primavera! Ciao boccioli e fiori. Benvenuti, benvenuti benvenuti! E 'un miracolo che arrivi ogni anno. 

Mi sento molto fortunato oggi in questo primo giorno della primavera 2014. Guardate questo splendido fiore che ha aperto sul mio davanzale come un regalo speciale primaverile! Il mio desiderio per la nuova stagione è di ricordare che ogni fiore è perfetto ed esiste per essere visto e riconosciuto nella sua perfezione. 

E per fiore intendo tutto.

♥ Jess

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Paleo-AIP progress, four months on

Bacon wrapped apricots with sage

Back in September I started a pretty restrictive Paleo-AIP diet in the hopes to find some relief from several autoimmune diseases I suffer from. That meant I could no longer eat any grains (gluten or gluten-free), dairy, legumes, nightshades (tomato, potato, eggplant and peppers), eggs, seeds or nuts. In theory I should have also excluded alcohol, chocolate and coffee, but never did. (I'm a bit of a coffee drinking chocolate indulged wino it seems)

The main concern I heard from friends and family was that I would lose too much weight on the new diet. I'm thin as it is and have, when I've been unwell, come to look quite sickly when I lose a kilo or two.  They were worried that by excluding carbohydrates from my diet (something that happens quite naturally when you remove grain) that I wouldn't have any energy and would not maintain any fats.  I do have to admit that I have lost a few kilos since starting the diet, but my energy levels are an all-time high (just have a look at my other posts!) and even though I weigh a bit less I'm not looking sickly because of it. It's as if my body has found its ideal state.  I am also careful to make sure I'm eating enough healthy fruit and vegetables so I can maintain some kind of carbohydrate intake as well as fibre.

SCD & Paleo Vanilla Granola

Four months on and I'm still very very happy with the changes I've seen in my health.  I have more energy and less pain and swelling. I'm sticking to it!

I did fall off the waggon a few times, only to be reminded by my body, quite aggressively, that this diet is the best thing for me right now.

At Halloween I ate a load of Sera's candies and ended up with the worst pre-period acne I've had in years. That month the amount of refined, processed sugar I had consumed really messed with my hormone levels and triggered a big PCOS flare up. No more candies for me!

Then a few weeks back I made a spinach sformatino (eggs in the oven essentially) and ended up with terrible terrible stomach cramps from the cheese I added. Since I had experimented with hard cheeses and didn't have adverse reactions I decided to try out softer cheeses and it was a fail.

BLT Zucchini 'Pasta'

I'm still playing around with figuring out what I can and can't eat without getting sick.  This morning I had yogurt and haven't felt unwell but will have to wait to see if it triggers inflammation in my joints in the next few days.  It's a super-interesting process and I'm pleased to say I've reintroduced eggs and nuts without much trouble.

I've been cooking loads as well and would love to direct you to some of the best recipes I've been using over the past 4 months and some I've just discovered!

-Cauliflower Fried Rice from Mickey Prescott's cookbook Autoimmune-Paleo
I eat this at least 5 times a week. I like this version because of the turmeric and ginger but you can search for other versions on line. There are loads of options!

-SCD & Paleo Vanilla Granola from Danielle Against All Grain
I've only just recently whipped up my first batch of this stuff but breakfast tomorrow is going to be heavenly! Yum!

-Taco Lettuce Boats

-BLT Zucchini pasta from Ali at Inspiralized
This stuff is heaven sent and really sticks to your insides... I just leave out the tomato!

-Bacon wrapped apricots with sage

These are lovely appetisers for a party! You can do the same thing with prunes or perhaps figs wrapped with prosciutto!

-Lebanese Kebabs from A Clean Plate

Yum yummy Yum!

Since starting this foodventure I've been lucky to find how many foods I enjoy that I'd never even tasted in the past!  I can't believe I went 34 years without discovering pomegranate! I'm now in love with the fruit and eating it 3 times a week (while it's in season). 

I have a lot to be thankful to this diet for. If you're reading this and you also suffer from any sort of an autoimmune disease I suggest you run out right now and try it!  Oh, and get well soon!

♥ Jess

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Understanding how to Go with the Flow

Yoga lessons started anew last night with a very satisfying hour and a half with Aldegonda. We tried a lot of new poses and I really enjoyed quite a few of them, especially those that stretched out my pretty compressed, rounded spine. I woke up this morning feeling a lot more bendy and with less upper back pain.

I've been thinking a lot about the nature of the self and soul. In yoga, from what I understand, prana is air, but also the universal energy that flows through everything and can get blocked and stuck in some ways. (I'd love it if you'd correct me if I'm wrong!) Yoga helps to unblock those channels and allow you to experience that energy more fully.

I have also recently read 'Power, Freedom and Grace' by Deepak Chopra and in it he also talks a lot about the energy of the universe. In fact, he goes so far as to claim that we ARE the universe and even more confusingly that our minds and bodies are creations of our soul. He says that as soon as you can get your ego out of the way you will naturally draw positivity towards you, your life's work will flow from you as easily as the water down a river, choosing the easiest path and all your desires will be realised.

I think I need to re-read the book again at a later date to completely understand what I want to take away from it. Surely I want my life's work to have no obstacles in its realisation but when I think that the greatest obstacle to my work is in fact my own personality, it's hard to get my head around. How do. I remove myself (or my current perception of myself) from the work? I do know this particular problem to be true however. I know for a fact that if it weren't for my fear, insecurity and hesitation my short film would have been finished ages ago.

What I did enjoy and I do see about all these ideas is the idea of flow. You cannot let any form of energy flow by holding onto it. It only disturbes he natural predestined path of least resistance. Can you direct energy? Sure, can you harness it? Sure, but you cannot keep it. You need to let it go.

I write this from my bed cause though I'm more bendy this morning my own energy is telling me it's best not to push. Fabri was lovely and took Sera to school so I could feel a bit better and recharge before picking her up after lunch.  I normally get really down about my low days, but today I just feel lucky that I have been so creative in this past week, that I have a wonderful family and that I can enjoy the bit of rest these few hours will give me.  I will be grateful as well when my energy does return and I can continue onto other things I've been wanting to do.

I guess that's what they mean by 'going with the flow'. I smile when I think of how many years I have either been trying to swim upstream or catch the river in a series of inadequate buckets.

DIY Gift Idea - Covered Gratitude Journal

I've really been into gratitude lately.  I've been spending the last few weeks following two free on line series of meditation with gratitude as the main focus; one by Deepak and Oprah and another offered by the Mentor's Channel.  Together that adds up to around 40 minutes a day of focusing 100% on everything I have to be grateful for... and I can tell you, the more I focus on all these things the more grateful I feel. And the more grateful I feel the happier I am.  The happier I am the happier the people around me... it's win win win.  

I've also recently started keeping a gratitude journal in which I jot down a few things that I think of being grateful for right before bed.  Some examples include:

• cashews
• cosmetic dentistry
• Fabri cleaned the bathroom
• flannel pyjamas
• Sera's laugh
• my own cooking
• my health

As you can see most of the items are everyday, ordinary things and others carry more weight, but since I've started jotting down 7-10 items a night I close my eyes and am off like a light switch in no time... no anxiety, no stress, no worried and no planning for the next day or remunerating about the day that's past.  It's a habit I intend to continue and would suggest to anyone.

As a gift this year for the holidays I'm planning on making a few of these little gratitude journals for some friends. I did one for myself today and perhaps you'd like to see how:

What you'll need:

• A simple blank or lined notebook
• Fabric scrap large enough to wrap around the notebook
• scissors
• a xacto blade
• hot glue and glue gun.

Starting at the outer horizontal edges glue the fabric to the covers of the book along the edges while it is closed.  Use a tiny bit of glue at a time and go back and forth between the two covers being careful not to glue the book shut.  Then you can go back and do the upper and lower edges of each cover, again going back and forth between top and bottom stretching and pulling as you go. Make sure to keep it smooth. Before you get to the corners trim and fold over and under the fabric so that it's neat on your inside covers and then fold the corners as if you were making a bed with hospital corners. Use a dab of glue on each corner.  For the spine of the book glue and tuck in the fabric that has remained outside.  If you would like extra polish you can cut out a piece of card stock that is the same size as the inner covers and glue this on top of your raw edges of fabric.

To finish off my book I glued an elastic from the back to the front so that I could keep it closed. The fabric was a scrap of silk I bought in Japan on a trip in 2012.

Now that's something that just screams for me to pour my gratitude into.

The Universe Delivers the Lessons

Last night we went out for dinner.  It was really quite nice and the food was great but the reason why I'm posting is because something interesting happened while we were there. I was taught a profound lesson in compassion and tolerance 100% relevant to my own life and current situation without even getting up from the table.

The couple at the table next to ours were in their 60's. They weren't married (at least not to each other) and it seemed as if it must be relatively fresh into their relationship.  She was loud and a strong woman. Her voice cut through the restaurant and she was hard to ignore. As soon as they sat down she grabbed my atterntion  because she kept using swear words and I was noting my own reaction to them. I thought it was crass and unnecessary and I was glad that I outgrew any form of swearing with adolescence. It made her seem uglier to me even though otherwise she was a sophisticated lady.

When people hear Fabri and I speaking English, they often assume that you just can't understand Italian at all and proceed to talk about you, or your child openly with their company.  This too happened... luckily they were talking about how nice Sera was behaving and a little bit about the difference between a Nintendo and an Ipad.

We continued or meal.

But then I head the word autoimmunity.

A new conversation had begun at the next table over and the woman began asking, no, interviewing the man about the subject.  How do you catch it? Why does it happen? Is it transmittable to others? What is the outcome? How can it be cured? Will a child get it if its parents do? Why is it hard to diagnose? Does it go away?

The answers popping into my own head to her questions were synchronised with his and I began to wonder if I should interrupt them and start asking him my own questions. Perhaps he was an expert in the field?  But then I decided to just listen and let them get on with their evening considering I'm currently satisfied with my level of care.

I listened and listened and after about 15 minutes I realised why the universe had brought these two to the table next to mine to have that conversation. I had something to learn.  In the past I have been impatient with my husband, mother, relatives, friends and acquaintances when talking about my autoimmune disease.  I have been frustrated that they haven't believed me when I explain that I am doing my best to take care of myself and that there's no quick cure or special doctor that I can just call.  I have felt accused by them of not wanting to get better... I have taken their suggestions on diet and exercises and rest as insults.  I have pushed them away because of it.

Watching this crass and classy woman ask impartial questions to this man who either was or wasn't a doctor, two strangers, set off a light bulb in my head.  The only reason why the people who love me ask questions or make suggestions or doubt what I tell them about my disease is because they just don't know anything about it.  I suddenly realised that I really am an expert on autoimmune diseases (at least my own small collection of them) due to my vast 13 years of experience in the field.  How on earth can I expect a friend or relative who's only just hearing that these diseases exist or only now coming into contact with someone who has one to possibly understand as thoroughly as I do what it means and the road I've had to travel towards accepting it?  My heart suddenly opened up to this woman with the loud voice whom I was judging moments before as well as to everyone who has ever taken the time to even talk with me about my disease.  I was wrong to place my anger, fear and sorrow on you all. I will try to do better.

On another note, the revelation has made me so much more compassionate and sympathetic to other people's individual situations.  I can't possibly comprehend what it means to be anyone else or to be in their skin.  I can't possibly ever assume to know what someone is living or feeling. None of us can.  We're each so completely unique and have our own gifts and challenges in this life. I suddenly understood that it would serve me well to have more humility in my encounters with others and to always assume that I don't know anything about them or their lives... It's clear now that this is accurate more of the time than assuming that I know everything about them and their lives!

I find it amazing when the universe teaches you a lesson that you so desperately needed to learn, even if you didn't know it before hand. Keep your eyes open for these lessons!  Last night was proof that they do come! They're probably the most valuable ones we'll ever learn.

Thank Goodness for Gratitude

You all know by now that  practise meditation and am on some kind of spiritual journey of discovery, but once in a while on my journey I stumble upon something that I think can be useful, or at least inspiring to even the least spiritual of you out there.  Take a few minutes to watch this video.



If you liked the video or would like to find out more what practising Gratitude can bring to your life, it's not too late to join the FREE 21-Day Gratitude workshop over at the Mentor's Channel .  It just started yesterday and I have to tell you that day one was inspiring! Just watching the video in the morning made my whole day brighter.

In the car on the way to pick up Sera it was raining and instead of thinking "Oh no, I'm going to get wet when I get out of the car!" I was thinking "Wow! I'm glad I don't have to take the bus every day to get Sera. And I'm glad that I took my umbrella!"  A shift of thinking made the entire car-ride pleasant and when I did arrive the few raindrops on the top of the umbrella, mixed with the birds chirping to each other through the storm was a beautiful symphony.  I felt lucky to be there in that moment... Lucky to be alive.  That's Gratitude and I want more!

Thanks for reading!